I made my first post to an atheist website here a couple weeks ago, and it scared me.
I got a great, encouraging response. But it also made my potential atheism really real to me. For a long time I’ve been thinking atheist, but acting Christian. Saying out loud, even anonymously, that I don’t believe in god is kind of a big step.
Reading other people’s blogs and forum posts has been very helpful for me, but not as meaningful as speaking my own mind.
I have lots of reasons not to blog. For one thing, are my ideas really that interesting or original that someone would want to read them? For another thing, what if too many people want to read them, and my comments are full of arguing? Plus, I’m shy, and it can be painful to share something this personal about myself. Part of me worries that my atheism is just a ‘phase,’ and I’d be better off going back to church. And I still have this irrational fear that people will find out who I am in real life and use that to hurt me somehow (though I couldn’t explain how).
I will blog anyway, though. Everyone needs a support group, and when you are exploring new possibilities in faith, you need people with a new perspective. I don’t know people in real life who I think could help me on this road, so I need to look elsewhere.
So I’ll be blogging, here and on thephyseter.wordpress.com/. I’ll post some thoughts on why I’m an atheist and why I’m not an atheist. I’ll spell out some of my problems with the church and some problems with the book I’m reading now,“Godless” by Dan Baker. I may even share some Atheist Parables I wrote a year ago as I began to explore my doubts.
Thanks to those who have talked with me so far on my intro post, and encouraged me to keep moving forward.